What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today? Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

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What’s the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
                             Missionary Position Impossible

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What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

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A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him
two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is
$10,000.” the clerk said.
“Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?”
“This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.”
“And the other?” said the customer.
“This one can sing Wagner’s entire […]

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A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle
of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
     The conductor. Business before pleasure.

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