Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag
at you, what have you done wrong?

A: Made her chain too long.

“I bet you don’t know what day this is”,
said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door.
The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:
“Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that,
he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door,
she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses.
At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.
The husband was smug when he returned from work,
satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation.
His wife was indeed surprised: “First the flowers,
then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed,
“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months
- I don’t like to interrupt her.

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.
So, he hired a famous Chinese detective,
Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any
activities that might develop.  A few days later,
he received this report:

  Most honorable sir:
  You leave house.
  He come house.
  I watch.
  He and she leave house.
  I follow.
  He and she get on train.
  I follow.
  He and she go in hotel.
  I climb tree-look in window.
  He kiss she.
  She kiss he.
  He strip she.
  She strip he.
  He play with she.
  She play with he.
  I play with me.
  Fall out of tree, not see.
  No Fee.

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong
well after midnight when one of the players returned from
the bathroom with an urgent report.
“Roger, listen,” he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen
making love to your wife.”
“OK, that’s it, guys,” Roger said. “This is positively
the last deal.”